What I Meant to Say
You were in the process of defining your faults, Or maybe you were trying to establish mine, I think only enemies know what friends are for, They could set around for hours listening to each other whine.
And I said that’s alright I understand how you must feel, But what I meant to say was fuck you.
You try to be more than human but you're somewhat less than an angel, But your judgement becomes so judgmental, And your actions just seem to erase your words, And any goodwill seems to be purely accidental.
I said I’m sorry; I never meant to hurt you but I’ll be here if you want to talk about it, But what I meant to say was fuck you.
I bared my soul and you mistook it for my ego, You bared your contempt and I mistook it for love, I gave you more than you could ever figure out how to pay back, You're the only hawk in the sky that thinks it’s a dove.
And I said it’s alright I understand how life can really get you down, But what I meant to say was fuck you.
I handed out hope and inspiration like it was candy, And I never wanted anything tangible in return I just thought you were my friends, But you thought with your feelings and judged a no win situation, And that’s how all good things and forever ends.
And I thought well maybe I’ve done something wrong maybe it’s all my fault, But what I meant to think was fuck you.
April 96
And I said that’s alright I understand how you must feel, But what I meant to say was fuck you.
You try to be more than human but you're somewhat less than an angel, But your judgement becomes so judgmental, And your actions just seem to erase your words, And any goodwill seems to be purely accidental.
I said I’m sorry; I never meant to hurt you but I’ll be here if you want to talk about it, But what I meant to say was fuck you.
I bared my soul and you mistook it for my ego, You bared your contempt and I mistook it for love, I gave you more than you could ever figure out how to pay back, You're the only hawk in the sky that thinks it’s a dove.
And I said it’s alright I understand how life can really get you down, But what I meant to say was fuck you.
I handed out hope and inspiration like it was candy, And I never wanted anything tangible in return I just thought you were my friends, But you thought with your feelings and judged a no win situation, And that’s how all good things and forever ends.
And I thought well maybe I’ve done something wrong maybe it’s all my fault, But what I meant to think was fuck you.
April 96
Why Do Losers?
Seems like the definition of irony, Seems more like a meaning than a reason, Forever becoming; never to be, Every desire born in the spirit of treason, But you’ve got your little book of remedies with you, And you’ve got your Coca Cola flavored religion, And you’ve got this year’s guru, And here comes the weather looking for his favorite stool-pigeon.Why do losers? love to lose, Why do losers? put a price on everything, Why do losers? think the world is their birthright, Why do losers? think the winners have it all.
Don’t think twice about who you are, Just obsess about who you could be, But you go nowhere because you always go to far, And your sense of freedom comes from thinking nothing’s free, And you're so self righteous but you act so understanding, And you're so polite but I know your mean; mean thoughts, You want everything; all and more but you're so undemanding, You act so blameless but you're well aware of your faults.
Why do losers? flock together like wolves, Why do losers? think they're better than everyone else, Why do losers? treat their brain like a bullet, Why do losers? think if they win they’ll have it made.
You‘re the girl who knows so much so tell me, Why would such a big planet have such a little moon, You're already guilty I’m sure you won't fail me, You’re gonna live your little meaning and it’ll be real soon, You despise self confidence any one else; you call it arrogance, And your dumb enough to think you're so humble, You have all the taste and refinement of common sense, You think you're singing; well you can hardly mumble.
Why do losers? try to learn from the future, Why do losers? think they’re so innocent, Why do losers? love to make losers, Why do losers? wanna rip out the soul of anyone they admire.
May 96
Idiot Wind
Written by Bob Dylan, Arranged by M.M.
Text Book Case
It’s easy to see where history got its start, There seems to be an eagerness for ruin deep in mankind's heart, The aftertaste of belief still flavors everything you swallow, And your breath is desperate and your life’s a game show, But it’s deeper than the shallow rim of some broken pilot's trust, And it seems as though the river is sucking the sea back to its source, I've seen the peasants hungry for blood and blame it on the farmers lust, We talk and walk about where we’re going while nowhere shapes its course.God is a disease we are dying from, We just can't let go of our kingdom come, Innocence and guilt at the mercy of the victim’s blame, But you can't judge the crime without the killer's claim.
With all the honesty of the salvation of a hypocrite, We always take a stand when we probably should just sit, And the sins of the fathers become the merits of the sons, And one good slogan kills more people than a thousand guns, But if you look real close everything has nothing tucked up inside, And that's the fate of every absolute value we cherish, But stupidity makes such good sense to us all, By the words we preach we shall also perish.
God is a disease we are dying from, We'll all be refugees from kingdom come, When the revolution's over and the point is moot, We'll just cut down the flowers without pulling up the root.
The world accidentally created man, And man recreated the world in his image, So he would always have an excuse for hate and greed, And then according to the master plan, Everyone can die by his own sword, Till we’ve beaten desire to its pulp of pure need.
God is a disease we are dying from, But the beauty of the parts defies the sum, So we won't die we'll just live forever dying, And the cure won't heal we’ll just die forever trying.
April 96
Possession
So I guess freedom is only one tenth of the law, You wanna teach somebody to fly and they just learn how to fall, And all anybody could ask for is somebody to be everything, With the realism of the circle and the symbolism of the ring.My own heartbeat; mine, My life dying compass; mine, You let me have to much now you owe me more, You’ll walk right into my world if you try and walk out of the door.
It’s not about desire it’s about necessity, You give until you learn how to take from me, It’s not what I am it’s what I am to you, It’s not what I feel that matters only what I do.
My addictive medicine; mine, My worldly prisoner; mine, You need me to need you and this makes you mine, I’ll rule you with guilt keep you walking the line.
Not love, Possession.
A new handbag; a compliment a scar, A psychic wound; an image a car, Religion; phone sex; a knife, A future; a phone bill; a wife.
So I; he; anybody is just another possession, We turn love and romance into the emptiness of obsession, You ask how could I be so selfish; you cry about how you’ve been betrayed, Who is really selfish wishing I’d have sacrificed myself and stayed.
My reason for living; mine, My reason for killing; mine, I have it in writing just how much you owe, I’d rather hate you forever than ever just let you go.
May 96
Psych Me
Glad to be your ego’s punching bag, You must know me better than god knows disappointment, I don’t mean to laugh at you but you're like a well planned gag, And everything you said seemed so unimportant, And you thought you knew what I think I am, But I think your thoughts aren't worth a damn, Were you an expert on my motivation, Could you simplify my complication.Just hang me guilty of your crime, And you can comfort the victim and feel like a hero, Sling a handful of your moral grime, Ten hypocrites minus truth equals zero, And you loved your love so full of hate, You think so small to make me great, But you're more guilty of what you psyched me, You’ll never see the forest can't get past your own tree.
Go ahead Dr. Law and dissect my feelings, Is it easier to know me than to guess yourself, You taught your brain-waves to play your heartstrings, And your disease is the cure of my health, I know how you felt it; I know how you thought it, There was a bargain up for sale and you just bought it, But it’s so easy to believe and so hard to know, I’m anybody’s best friend and anybody’s John Doe.
May 96
Sleeping With the Light On
It’s a world ruled by distress, You rearrange your future using hindsight, A bunch of failures trying to measure success, And we each have our own version of what is right, And I’ve been burned by trust, And I know I’m not the only one, But guilt is just like rust, If only the bullet could fire the gun.Blame just fits any fool that will wear its crown, Trust is a babysitter that burns your house to the ground, Yeah we’re all in this alone, Sleeping with the light on.
You’ve got to wonder what to do with friends like these, They’ve seen the movie so they judge the book by its cover, But at least you can get rid of your enemies, They love your wife as much as they would love to fuck your lover, For every stargazer that seems so indifferent, But he wants that star for his own planet's sun, But you cannot forgive the innocent, The bullet cannot shoot the gun.
What’s the difference between the man on the stand and the jury, What’s the difference between the killer’s need and the victim’s fury, Yeah we’re all in this alone, Sleeping with the light on.
Afraid of the pain that we milk from the pleasure, We grow in increments too small to measure, Till we’re moving in light years away from each other, Till we’re so far away all we can do is move further.
He goes to bed thinking; just to wake up dreaming, Anonymous virtue and dead action scenarios, We start out believing just to end up scheming, And everybody is sure of what nobody knows, And every petty judge rewrites the moral of the story, The fashion of accident becomes the fashion's design, And we butcher the details just to make them gory, And when we’ve ignored every boundary we then draw the line.
I guess we’ll spend eternity in this limbo of sustained objections, Ironically afraid of innocuous
content more than killer infections, Yeah we’re all in this together, Living in the naked weather.
Why must we be so alone?
June 96
The Uncertainty Principal
Matter doesn’t matter, It whirls around your numbness like a mad hatter, Spacetime thought-chaser, Mapped out malice aforethought of a heartbreaker, And it’s all because you're you, And you don’t know who you are, Habit knows what to do, Creature comfort; big bang scar.Sequenced timeless moment, The situation's gravity is not mind bent, Unmoved maker-motion, Consciousness is the secret potion, It can't be here and there, You only see what you look for, So maybe this is really nowhere, All we get is questions anymore.
Field of any hope, All meanings just unravel under the microscope, Light-bone photon mission, Find the actor's god cast part; thought-fission, Wonder splits the fabric of silence, Mystic knowing more fantastic than myth, Structure fruit of chaos and violence, The center’s everywhere we don’t know where it is.
Armageddon sighs, Devour the scene with atom smashing eyes, Symbiotic-sanity, Mind and matter; possession and vanity, Where will now appear next, You can't define where and when at the same time, It’s like reality is hexed, But we call it here and now just to make it rhyme.
June 96
Shameless Exile
Well nobody gathered in the streets to watch him leave, But he knew that people are what they believe, Because the truth is to pure we wanna twist it till it’s shaped ugly and broken, And there are ten bitter thoughts for every kind word that is spoken, But blame is the refuge of a simple mind, They really think justice is literally blind, So he left town just as the evening sky was growing dim, Guilty of only what they thought of him.He felt more bewildered than he did hurt, You can't help but feel a little dirty when you’ve been treated like dirt, Everybody in town knew he didn’t murder his wife, But when they saw the body and felt the pity for that ruined life, Just because they knew about his lover on the edge of town, They said, well he might as well have been the one that cut her down, They knew he couldn’t do such a thing but they held a grudge, Logic is law and emotion is a judge.
So in the blasphemy of desire he’s a godless man, For a town full of envious losers it’s easy to pretend not understand, It’s so easy to rally against and fain impartial benevolence, Gossip and hearsay turn the court not such trivial things as evidence, And these same people who used to praise his wisdom now curse his vanity, But they just cover their resentment and self doubt and call it sanity, They wouldn’t even let him see the body; there are rumors it wasn’t even his wife at all, Just a perfect excuse to set the high and mighty up for a fall.
But his lover waits for him in a secret place, And confusion; doubt and fear will vanish with one look into her face, And it’s over now it doesn’t matter fair play or foul, There can be no turning back from this shameless exile.
June 96
Live It
As I look back I’ll admit; I don’t feel totally blameless, But one things for sure it was totally aimless, My intentions were never to hurt anyone, It’s not the bullet that fires the gun, And I am tired of being the jerk and the asshole, Any fool knows it takes two to tango, I take back everything I gave to these so called friends, Because that's all I’ll ever get from them.And I’ll just live it, I can't spell it, I don’t mean it, I just feel it, (can you?).
I really wonder what you have to take comfort in, Because you're all just sinners unworthy of sin, And I know your tiny minds think well hey what about you, First off why does it matter so much what I do, But here’s the why and the what I did was pure, You see I was sick for true love and I found the cure, It took me years to make the cut because I really did care, Don’t tell me I was wrong anymore; don’t fucking dare.
And I’ll just live it, I don’t believe it, I can't fake it, I just feel it.
Yes it bugged me hurt me tore me ten ways, But now I’m looking forward to bigger and better days, I guess because the pen is mightier than the sword, I was tired of talking it was about time I roared, I wish no one no ill but I really can't wish you well, Except for the girl I promised forever and failed, I know my rights and my feelings can and have been used against me, But in the end we’re all nothing more nothing less than free.
So I’ll just live it, I won't kill it, I can't write it, I’ll just live it.
And let the day's river run, And this day is done.
July 96
Released October 1, 1996 All Songs Composed, Performed and Recorded by M.M.
Except Idiot Wind, by Bob Dylan Arranged by M.M.
Except Idiot Wind, by Bob Dylan Arranged by M.M.
