The River & the Sea

The River & the Sea

Raging River

The flowing water; the wild days, The future of motion where memory plays, The killing the dying the born again blues, The contact where bone and blind talk fuse, I am the ghost of the haunting chord, I am the true end god farm lord, River pushed blood in the artery, Healing wound oozing cement poetry.

Raging River.

Fixed life wavelength; paradise pulse, Man in armor for a women's waltz, Gun shits bullets at a target trap, The holes in his sky bleed on the map, Anger behind the wheel drunk on pride and joy, Tears left on the floor; a day old toy, Breathe in sound; exhale words, Test with science the religion of birds.

Raging River.

Metamorphic design; dark bottom feeder, Impotent painter; blank canvas dealer, Careful drowning in the casual flood, Heartbeat dam; holds water from blood, All is loaded with heaven scent, But fortunes sleep in money spent, Medicine of days; disease of nights, For star drenched seas the river fights.

Raging River.

Nov 94

Unfinished Portrait

Does a rose smell as sweet when there’s no one there to smell it, How can you know what the word means and not know how to spell it, I saw a door standing in the desert so I built a house around it, It’s not like finding something you were looking for so you don’t know when you’ve found it.

Throw the full moon on the fire, Take your medicine; have a drink, Find a babysitter for desire, Let your thoughts do anything but think.

Blow a kiss to the rainbow, Logic you're such a dreamer.

The end never had a beginning, It is its own means, Time is the tragic persona, When you're acting out these scenes, But I forget which part I’m playing, I forget which lines I’m supposed to be saying.

Yes it’s me in here; bleeding thru the pen and ink, Staring myself down in the mirror again neither one of us even threatening to blink, I suppose it’s just another day I suppose it’s just another mood, You start out starving for life and you end up settling for food.

Where is that early summer morning that smelt like eternity, Where is that little boy who used to look across the rooftops of the world from the top of a tree, The best that beautiful little boy could do was turn into me.

April 94

My Life and Me

I don’t think it knows what I’m doing, I think it’s trying to possess my soul, I want so badly just to tell it to get lost, But it has me convinced that without it I’d be nothing but a hole.

Every time I try to taste the silence, I end up swallowing the bitter fruit of violence.

It’s not killing me; I know how to die, I want to do but all I can do is try, All I get is answers when I didn’t even ask a question, All we get is how and all that really matters is why.

It started so long ago it must have invented time, It’s a monster that thinks it brought its creator to life, I just want the silence to wrap around me in a supernova, I just want to feel like me and less like my life.

It’s not killing me; I know how to die, I want to do but all I can do is try, All I get is answers when I didn’t even ask a question, All we get is how and all that really matters is why.

Let's put it under the microscope let's see if we can find the division, Let's prepare for surgery we’ll make the soul the point of incision, And let the cosmic memory be my only anesthesia, I want you in no part of me though I know this doesn’t please you, And if I die on the table and my life survives, Don’t use any machines or drugs to keep it alive, Just let it wriggle for a while in my words and blood, And then bury me in the sky and throw it in the mud.

I would like to kill it but I know it wouldn’t die, Will my life and me ever see I to I, All I ever wanted was to be what I am but it made me more and less, And what it is without me is everybody’s guess.

June 94

That Gun is Always Loaded

Of all the unwritten laws and unspoken liberties, There has to be a place where the silence is screaming, The facade is the truth trying to tear it down is madness, And if fate's as blind as justice then why bother dreaming.

That gun is always loaded, Don’t believe what they tell you, Don’t believe what you tell you, A hair's breadth of the trigger and destiny’s wearing a new wound.

The big bang; the extinction of the dinosaurs, A man's life and the universe of his mind, His bones just take up space and his mind just soaks up time, He means a lot to himself though not much to humankind.

That gun is always loaded, Don’t believe what they tell you, Don’t believe what you tell you, A hair's breadth of the trigger and destiny’s wearing a new wound.

It means all you need to know about nothing, It means the moon is just in orbit not in flight, It means if you don’t care you better really mean it, It means the law of the jungle is that might makes right.

That gun is always loaded, Don’t believe what they tell you, Don’t believe what you tell you, A hair's breadth of the trigger and destiny’s wearing a new wound.

That gun is always loaded, And it’s pointed straight at you.

June 94

Now I Know

I was busy trying to break the code of the silence, My peaceful mind had no eye for subtle violence, Somewhere between innocence and ignorance I walked across the minefield, I live by fortune so you see my fate was sealed.

Now I know what it’s like to feel desperate, And not to want to turn the other cheek, Now I know what it’s like to really take a fall, And I know what it’s like to be strong and feel so weak.

If this is a blessing in disguise it sure is a good disguise, But I still know where the truth is; even chin deep in these lies, But right now I don’t feel like David; I feel like Goliath, I feel full of hate and rage and I can't deny it.

Now I know what it’s like to feel like a loser, And I know what it’s like just to want to cry, Now I know what it’s like not to rise above self pity, And I know what it’s like to feel all this without understanding why.

It seems so trivial; like a pebble held up to the sun, What felt light on the scales of justice to me feels like a ton, I’m ashamed that it got to me but I’ve got enough pride to admit that it did, But honor is just a snack to some fuck like you whose soul is up for bid.

Now I know what it feels like to lust for revenge, And I know what it feels like to poke my scar until it’s sore, Now I know what it feels like to try and learn from an accident, And I know what it feels like to pick myself up off the floor.

Aug. 94

Apology

Well I never had the courage that the truth takes, But it would have hurt as bad then as it does now, But there’s still a heartbeat even when a heart breaks, But you cannot give more blood than the laws of love allow, And everybody pities who they feel is the victim, But there are more subtle ways to be victimized, You shape yourself into a believer after you’ve tricked ‘em, You can only give so much without receiving before you feel vandalized.

There’s just a few words difference between an opinion and a joke, And everybody who knows what’s best for me you just mix black and white for gray, You still see a fire where all I see is smoke, I’ll live my life; you just keep yours out of my way, There’s a lot of space between what you think and what I feel, You think I’m laughing it off when I’m trying hard just to live it down, I wake up trying to decide which dream is real, But I could be a king and you’d still call me a clown.

Well there must be four thousand two hundred and twenty seven opinions of me, But the only opinion of me that counts is the one I have, You get what you pay for when you get something for free, And your double standard morals are like worshipping a golden calf, I know I could have handled things better but I was confused, those who don’t know what I mean go ahead and cast the first stone, And I do feel hurt but mostly I just feel I stand accused, But all I’m guilty of is being human; heart and soul; flesh and bone.

Sept. 94

Goodbye Weather

Well the past is never dead it’s only dying, And it’s easy to imagine you’ll never stop crying, But the pain is the steps we take toward healing, But sometimes we feel so much we’re not sure what we’re feeling, And then one day there’s an intimate stranger looking you in the eye, And you're not sure when this started or even why, But it’s the facts not the reasons that turn the page, And emotional politics just grow more corrupt with age.

When the slightest wind tosses your mood like it was a feather, And you know in your soul what you won't admit in your heart, This is goodbye weather.

It’s been so many years of tangled memories and false confessions, Trying to get somewhere in a series of infinite regressions, You tell your friends things like; he’s lost and trying to recapture his youth, We psychoanalyze the motives when we don’t want to face the truth, Am I happy; well I’m sad to say; yes I am, Though it’s not true I know you imagine that I don’t give a damn, But I don’t have any regrets and I’m sorry but I never learned to hate the enemy, It would be as impossible for me to forget you as you to ever forgive me.

When you feel like all you're doing is growing apart together, And when confusion is the only thing you're sure about, You know this is goodbye weather.

I know sometimes I’m hard to find but I always gave you good clues, But I know it’s so hard to play when you know you're gonna lose, Now the future is so anonymous; I hate to think of you lonely and scared, I hope one day you can look back and be glad not sad about all we shared, I only wish you well I always did; I always will, It’s not all just thrown away I know it meant something but I know right now that’s hard to feel, To hurt you hurt me more than anything I’ve ever done, Yes you were one in a million but you just weren’t the one.

When your heart feels like your head and lace feels like leather, And the rain is falling back up to the sky, This is goodbye weather.

May you find the medicine of days.

Nov.-Dec. 94

Looking For Soul

Well my feeling are only skin deep, And beauty is the fabric of erotic suckling motion, I want to lose all I’ve lost so as to find what I can keep, A measure of the silence; transcend all the commotion, I want to move thru the world like sunlight’s lover, I wanna dance on the bones of legends and fuck like a rainbow, I’m gonna paint the maps and terra incognito I will discover, I will not believe; wish or think; I will know.

I wanna see the kingdom come, I wanna beat the heartbeat drum, I wanna swim in tides beyond all control, Oh oh I’m looking for soul.

I will drink the blood of the river, And the wine will deliver, me, I will fall upon my prey, I will set the endless day, free, And I will close my eyes and see.

Let me live it just for love and let me sing it like a prayer, Let me walk with angels and dream with gods, I will dress like clouds and touch like breath and air, I will bet on the sunrise and just laugh at the odds, Mind-drunk with the ghost of eternity spilling wine and song, Reason is a glamour shot of the ugliest mermaid in the sea, I’m dancing with music’s memory where creation banged its gong, And the beauty of Eve’s naked body before she plucked the apple from the tree.

I wanna live in Eden’s vacant lot, Where original sin has been forgot, I wanna cross the bridge of sighs and pay that toll, Oh oh I’m looking for soul.

Oh petty Earth lets borrow Saturn’s rings for a day, Let's toast marshmallows on a sunset and kiss the rain, Let's send flowers to every star in the Milky Way, Let the whole world make love at the same time like the sound of a distant train, Time just babbles; barks and moans and silence is a poet, I will skin beauty’s hide and make a coat for my bed, And if I feel like love is my vision; my eyes will show it, And I will walk thru the field of sorrows though my feet be made of lead.

I wanna find the world's true heart, See the whole in every part, I wanna climb out of mankind's petty hole, Oh oh I’m looking for soul.

Nov. 94

One Thing

It’s as radiant as a night full of stars, It’s the reason that Venus teases Mars, A singer is the words of his song, It’s the healing not the wound that leaves the scars, Despite heartaches; breakdowns and blunders, The sky still sends rain when it thunders, Now I move in a fresher world, And my woman is an eyeful of wonders.

Oh when life feels like it’s living you, There’s only one thing that can pull you thru, That’s love, Love, Only love.

It’s the rock and the root of the dreaming, It’s where sunlight and soul just come streaming, It’s as soft as the world is hard, And the heart is with mystic rapture teeming, And now rhyme outweighs hollow reason, And any feeling but joy is marked treason, And even darkness can wring out some light, For this is the prize of the season.

Oh when every color in your painting is blue, There’s always one thing that will pull you thru, That’s love, Love, Only love.

Lost in the dreamer or lost in the dream, Lost in the heat or lost in the steam, Lost in the doing or lost in the done, Wish upon a star or burning like the sun, Drink from the river; medicine of days, Find the path where tomorrow plays, Die with an angel and live like a soul, Give pain the dross and love control.

It could stop the four horsemen in their tracks, It could make mansions out of shacks, It could make the moon a pearl around your neck, Make miracles common; fantasies facts, You’ll taste the blood in the wine, You’ll stop searching the skies for a sign, You’ll know that now is the meaning, The passion of love’s lust is mine.

When everything feels wrong no matter what you do, There’s always one thing that will pull you thru, That’s love, Love, Only love.

Nov. 94

Facing North

I collected everything the past owed me, And I only had enough to buy a casual future, I had dreams and visions and gods that showed me, Where the market void and the breeding city sex were, But now I feel so cynical about being cynical, Although I have seen pettiness and spite soil the holy ghost, But retribution and bloodlust are identical, The truth is wine to a lie like a drunk who likes to boast.

Well now I live on food and I dream on flowers, And the sky is no limit to a flightless bird, And the honey’s still sweet when the milk of paradise sours, With my innocence ruptured; print bleeds a virgin word, And the healing is mending my flesh to new life, And the world of events has started dreaming again, I’ve weathered the eclipse and savored the knife, And I’ve found the bone of the Earth under this fragile skin.

Now I’m heading south; facing north and all that I’ve lost, Is once again lost in all that I’ve gained, Desire and misery have split the cost, But I’m losing touch with every feeling I feigned, And I’m finding myself by not looking so hard, And I’ll drop a trail of light when I follow the dark, And now destiny has dealt me a wild card.

Oct. 94

The Coming Together of Falling Apart

This dream needed more sleep so I put it back to bed, My feelings were a little numb so my thoughts tried to sabotage my head, It can be everything at once or it can be nothing at all, It’s hard to tell which direction your falling once you start to fall.

A little weakness can make you strong, When the world seems made for wrong, The night will crack the dawn, And you will sing a simple song.

You beat your brains out and then fall in love with your heart, That’s the coming together of falling apart.

It always feels like you're following someone’s pointing finger instead of following your feet, It takes so long to get anywhere but you can get nowhere in a heartbeat, And sometimes no matter what I do I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing, And if it’s not raining now the sky shows off a storm that’s brewing.

But I make it everyday, The future's here to stay, And the price is priced to pay, Any way’s the way.

Let the blind lead the blind then smash your compass; guide and chart, That’s the coming together of falling apart.

I’ve been down by days; nagged by nights and dragged face down thru the mud, But I kept my peace because I know holy water is thicker than blood, You do everything for sacrifice or desire but you can't sacrifice desire, And I’m here to tell you all you can do is burn if you fall into a fire.

I’m a lover and a fighter, I’m god’s ghost writer, I will carry this load much lighter, Hold this trouble tighter.

Lay down your faith imagine you're finished then live your lifeless start, That’s the coming together of falling apart.

For some strange reason this doesn’t seem strange, Life is a raging river of change.

Nov. 94

The River & the Sea

We journeyed thru the wasteland, And our eyes were full of epic discontent, Like the dogs of the devil, Trying to pick up heaven’s scent, And we found no answers, Just the skulls and bones of old questions, And we dug into the deep, And we plagiarized affections.

Touch me with the medicine of days, Absolution; like the way a child plays, What you are and what you want to be, That’s the difference between the river and the sea.

We were broken in the doing, Exiled and hopeless from the white city, We were the unborn believers, Sifting thru the killing floor for crumbs of pity, We lived fools gold memories, And danced the life out of the broken record morning, Oh sweet comfort in the arms of illusion, And a perverse thrill in ignoring every blood red warning.

Touch me with the medicine of days, Absolution; like the way a child plays, Being a slave to freedom or just simply being free, That’s the difference between the river and the sea.

The silent river bed, And the endless stream of inarticulate agony, The mind of the flowering god, And the winding staircase to the heavens ecstasy, We all travel in different directions, And we forget that we’re all looking for the same place, But you can see the whole of heaven, In one fallen angel's face.

Oh touch me medicine of days, Let me see the universe a child does when he plays, And let me walk on and never fear my destiny, Because if you drown in the river you never get to swim in the sea.

Nov. 94





Released February 1, 1995 All Songs Composed, Performed and Recorded by M.M.